My mother decided one day to take my younger sisters and me to a salon to get our hair cut. I'm not sure why but it may have been that she was tired of combing three heads of long hair and braiding or otherwise styling those three heads for school and church. So one summer day we set off on the local bus for the big city.
The salon wasn't exactly downtown but it was clean and probably inexpensive, and it was on the busline. All three of us had hair below our shoulder blades which had never been cut except for trims by our mother. We couldn't wait to have our long braids cut off. Sometime during the process, the hair stylist talked my mother into having our hair permed. Whatever she did was alright with us. We were happy enough just being there and having someone besides our mother wash and style our hair.
When it was all over, we admired the beautiful new hairdos. I'm sure they looked delightful in the salon, but after the days went by, they changed into strange-looking hair mops. By the time school started, I'm sure my mother wished she had never had it done. Our school pictures show us with hair styles that clearly reflect the attempt my mother made to make us look presentable. We all laugh about those hairstyles now, but at the time we knew we were both beautiful and stylish.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Fresh Start
This time of year always brings back memories of the excitement of starting another school year. No matter how well or badly the previous year ended, I believed that this year all my experiences would be wonderful; I was always optimistic.
A few weeks before school began, my mother would take us shopping for new first-day clothes. This was always one outfit each because with six kids that was all she could afford. But what an occasion it was. Because my mother didn't drive and didn't have a car to use anyway, we would take the bus into the big city. In those days there were no malls and all our shopping was done in the one store where my mother had an account. I don't know how she did it, but she managed to outfit all of us from underwear to shoes.
I remember one year especially when I was in junior high school. I found this beautiful wool plaid straight skirt that I just had to have for school. My mother let me buy it and then proceeded to help me find a matching blouse and cardigan to wear with it. I'll never forget dressing for that first day in my new clothes. My mother kindly suggested that maybe I should save the outfit for another day since the temperature was unusually warm for that time of year, but I wouldn't hear of it. I determinedly got dressed and went to school. As the day passed I got hotter and hotter in my wool outfit but I refused to take off even my sweater because I was sure the desired effect of my outfit would be ruined. I suffered through the entire day but went home secure in the knowledge that my outfit was the envy of all my classmates.
A few weeks before school began, my mother would take us shopping for new first-day clothes. This was always one outfit each because with six kids that was all she could afford. But what an occasion it was. Because my mother didn't drive and didn't have a car to use anyway, we would take the bus into the big city. In those days there were no malls and all our shopping was done in the one store where my mother had an account. I don't know how she did it, but she managed to outfit all of us from underwear to shoes.
I remember one year especially when I was in junior high school. I found this beautiful wool plaid straight skirt that I just had to have for school. My mother let me buy it and then proceeded to help me find a matching blouse and cardigan to wear with it. I'll never forget dressing for that first day in my new clothes. My mother kindly suggested that maybe I should save the outfit for another day since the temperature was unusually warm for that time of year, but I wouldn't hear of it. I determinedly got dressed and went to school. As the day passed I got hotter and hotter in my wool outfit but I refused to take off even my sweater because I was sure the desired effect of my outfit would be ruined. I suffered through the entire day but went home secure in the knowledge that my outfit was the envy of all my classmates.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Easter Bunny
My husband and I went shopping today and I couldn't help thinking about all the days I went shopping for new clothes with my mother. Probably the earliest memory I have is shopping for new clothes to wear on Easter Sunday. This time was so special and exciting because we got to buy pretty dresses too good for school, and fancy dress shoes and socks that had to be saved for church. I can still remember the black patent leather flats that my mother bought for me but which my father said were made of cardboard and would fall apart if they got wet. I thought they were beautiful, and every time I wore them I believed that all the other little girls were watching me and envying me my shoes.
One Easter season we didn't have to shop for dresses because an aunt, my father's sister in California, sent us dresses that she had made for us. They were made of polka-dotted cloth in navy blue and yellow. She made each of us a different dress by using different colored cloth for different pattern pieces. So, even though the dress pattern was the same, our dresses were different but coordinating. We loved them.
On Easter morning we came downstairs and found our Easter clothes laid out on the furniture in the living room with the baskets that the Easter Bunny left us. Even though we had taken part in the shopping for all these new clothes, they all looked so wonderful that we forgot what had gone on before and almost believed the Easter Bunny had brought those, too.
One Easter season we didn't have to shop for dresses because an aunt, my father's sister in California, sent us dresses that she had made for us. They were made of polka-dotted cloth in navy blue and yellow. She made each of us a different dress by using different colored cloth for different pattern pieces. So, even though the dress pattern was the same, our dresses were different but coordinating. We loved them.
On Easter morning we came downstairs and found our Easter clothes laid out on the furniture in the living room with the baskets that the Easter Bunny left us. Even though we had taken part in the shopping for all these new clothes, they all looked so wonderful that we forgot what had gone on before and almost believed the Easter Bunny had brought those, too.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Lost Memories
The lack of memories is a good thing. Or, more to the point, the lack of bad memories is a good thing. When I remember only happy times at school, I know that nothing bad happened to me that year. When I remember nothing about a particular school year, then I know it was a happy year.
When I was seven, we moved to a different town and I entered second grade at a neighborhood school. I had never been to a neighborhood school before and it was a complete change from my previous experience. This school was near my house so I was able to walk there, plus it was small with only two or three grades. My younger sister was in first grade that year but I don't remember anything about her except for a few vague memories of us walking home together. It was a good time.
My first day is definitely engraved in my memories. I remember walking to school. I remember the little girl who was assigned to be my friend for the day and show me around. I remember the playground at recess and how the girls mostly sat on the ground under a huge oak tree and talked about girl things. I remember the boys running around and playing their games. I remember the jungle gym, the slide and the swings which I would play on during many recesses in the future.
I had a wonderful year there with friends from my neighborhood at that small neighborhood school. I remember the fun but the memories are lost and that's a good thing.
When I was seven, we moved to a different town and I entered second grade at a neighborhood school. I had never been to a neighborhood school before and it was a complete change from my previous experience. This school was near my house so I was able to walk there, plus it was small with only two or three grades. My younger sister was in first grade that year but I don't remember anything about her except for a few vague memories of us walking home together. It was a good time.
My first day is definitely engraved in my memories. I remember walking to school. I remember the little girl who was assigned to be my friend for the day and show me around. I remember the playground at recess and how the girls mostly sat on the ground under a huge oak tree and talked about girl things. I remember the boys running around and playing their games. I remember the jungle gym, the slide and the swings which I would play on during many recesses in the future.
I had a wonderful year there with friends from my neighborhood at that small neighborhood school. I remember the fun but the memories are lost and that's a good thing.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Exciting Places
I grew up in a small town. Small towns are happy places in many ways, and in those days, very safe for children. My siblings and I spent many summer days roaming our neighborhood and my mother never worried. In the process of exploring the area, we never considered that our neighbors would be displeased if we used their yards as a shortcut to somewhere else.
My favorite shortcut was on the property of neighbors who lived across the street from us. Their house was set back from the road with a long driveway which led straight to the front door. Some of our friends in the neighborhood told us that there was a shortcut behind this house which would take us to the town center, and one day they showed us the way. We walked down the long driveway straight to the house, then around the house to their backyard, and onto the path which took us through the woods. It seemed to me that first time that the woods went on forever, but we finally burst out of the shade and into the sunshine of a dirt road populated with a few houses and a lot of barking dogs. We followed the dirt road to the end, and arrived at our destination at last. We were thrilled. From then on we frequently took that shortcut whenever we had the urge to go downtown. When my mother found out, she wasn't pleased and told us to get our neighbor's permission. Of course, we never did and continued to use the shortcut. But the constant risk of being caught and hollered at by our neighbor only added to our fun and made our excursions to town delightfully exciting.
My favorite shortcut was on the property of neighbors who lived across the street from us. Their house was set back from the road with a long driveway which led straight to the front door. Some of our friends in the neighborhood told us that there was a shortcut behind this house which would take us to the town center, and one day they showed us the way. We walked down the long driveway straight to the house, then around the house to their backyard, and onto the path which took us through the woods. It seemed to me that first time that the woods went on forever, but we finally burst out of the shade and into the sunshine of a dirt road populated with a few houses and a lot of barking dogs. We followed the dirt road to the end, and arrived at our destination at last. We were thrilled. From then on we frequently took that shortcut whenever we had the urge to go downtown. When my mother found out, she wasn't pleased and told us to get our neighbor's permission. Of course, we never did and continued to use the shortcut. But the constant risk of being caught and hollered at by our neighbor only added to our fun and made our excursions to town delightfully exciting.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Scissors and Braids
When I was in third grade my class was sent temporarily to a school across the street from the one we were supposed to attend. I don't remember why or maybe we were never told but I think our regular school was having some remodeling done.
This new school was actually pretty nice. It had a large room in the center surrounded by the classrooms. The large room was used for a variety of things, but I remember it mostly as a place to cross to get from one room to another. I don't remember my teacher and I've forgotten most of what I did during that time. I guess it was uneventful except for a couple of things.
We did a lot of crafts in that class, always a good way to give teachers a rest. Apparently, my teacher was able to use the mimeograph machine because we usually had pictures to cut out as part of our work. One day we were making something which involved cutting out another picture. Before I knew it my teacher was standing over me and telling me that I was doing a terrible job with my scissors and I should be more careful. Then she used my work as an example of how we should not be scissoring. I don't think I had ever heard that word before but I certainly have never forgotten it. I was embarrassed and also confused because I hadn't understood that my work was supposed to be perfect. I quickly learned that lesson.
Another day when we were working on a craft project, my teacher started harassing another student because he didn't know how to braid. This time she singled me out as the student who did the best braiding, and told me to show my classmate the correct way to braid. It never seemed to occur to her that most little girls know how to braid because they braid their own hair, and most little boys don't.
One other thing that happened to me in third grade was that I had my tonsils out. But that had nothing to do with the teacher.
This new school was actually pretty nice. It had a large room in the center surrounded by the classrooms. The large room was used for a variety of things, but I remember it mostly as a place to cross to get from one room to another. I don't remember my teacher and I've forgotten most of what I did during that time. I guess it was uneventful except for a couple of things.
We did a lot of crafts in that class, always a good way to give teachers a rest. Apparently, my teacher was able to use the mimeograph machine because we usually had pictures to cut out as part of our work. One day we were making something which involved cutting out another picture. Before I knew it my teacher was standing over me and telling me that I was doing a terrible job with my scissors and I should be more careful. Then she used my work as an example of how we should not be scissoring. I don't think I had ever heard that word before but I certainly have never forgotten it. I was embarrassed and also confused because I hadn't understood that my work was supposed to be perfect. I quickly learned that lesson.
Another day when we were working on a craft project, my teacher started harassing another student because he didn't know how to braid. This time she singled me out as the student who did the best braiding, and told me to show my classmate the correct way to braid. It never seemed to occur to her that most little girls know how to braid because they braid their own hair, and most little boys don't.
One other thing that happened to me in third grade was that I had my tonsils out. But that had nothing to do with the teacher.
Monday, July 25, 2011
The Perils of Belonging to a Religious Community
I grew up in a church that focused on a "born-again" version of christianity. Everyone was expected to "accept Jesus as their savior" at some time in their lives...the sooner, the better. This was important not only to save your soul but also for you to become a voting member of the church. Which reason was more important I could not always tell.
My mother was the religious leader in our family. This would have been strange ordinarily because she had had nothing to do with Jesus and becoming saved until she met and married her first husband. In other words, she was newly saved and very devout. I don't know anything about her first husband's beliefs but I imagine, from what my mother told me about him, that he mostly put his needs before those of Jesus. On the other hand, her mother-in-law was a very strict godly woman who demanded, because she believed that her christian beliefs were the only true christian beliefs, that everyone had to follow her teachings in order to be saved and have eternal life. Unfortunately, even though my mother was nothing like her mother-in-law, she was indoctrinated with those same beliefs, and brought her children up to believe the same way.
I can understand how my mother was susceptible to these teachings. Her husband joined the Army Air Force soon after they were married, leaving his wife pregnant and alone with his family. She wasn't wanted as a wife for their son, and wasn't completely accepted as the right mother for their grandchildren especially after their son was dead and she remarried. She was so afraid of displeasing them that she followed her mother-in-law's dictates in every way. Her mother-in-law forbade my father's adoption of her grandchildren, which he wanted to do, because they would no longer have the family name. This meant that my older brother and sister went through school with a different last name then the rest of us in a time when all the children in a family were supposed to have the same surname. I remember friends and teachers saying to me that they never knew that person was my brother or sister, and why do they have a different last name? This hurt me because I never remembered that we had different fathers until someone made me remember. In my own mind, my older sister and brother were no different from my younger sisters and brother.
My mother must have been miserable most of the time during those years with her in-laws. Her one savior was her husband's grandmother who accepted my mother unquestioningly and loved her as as her own. It's possible my mother accepted her husband's family religion out of love for his grandmother, and I hope that was the reason. Her mother-in-law certainly gave her no love, but she did give her plenty of emotional abuse. In the days when I believed in god, I always felt that the death of her first husband was god's way of saving my mother from a terrible life. If her husband had survived the war and come home, my mother would have had nothing but heartache. She admitted this herself to me several times, and from what she told me of her life when she was with him, I know she was right. She loved him but he was selfish and spoiled and she never experienced the same kind of love from him.
After years of believing that I was more sure than others of receiving eternal life, even though I never could accept it completely, I finally came to my senses. I have felt such relief ever since that I no longer had to be afraid of that terrible religion's teachings. It's such a relief to know that I am in charge and answerable only to myself whenever I do something to cause me joy or pain. There is no angry or judgemental god up there watching over me, and in this I rejoice.
My mother was the religious leader in our family. This would have been strange ordinarily because she had had nothing to do with Jesus and becoming saved until she met and married her first husband. In other words, she was newly saved and very devout. I don't know anything about her first husband's beliefs but I imagine, from what my mother told me about him, that he mostly put his needs before those of Jesus. On the other hand, her mother-in-law was a very strict godly woman who demanded, because she believed that her christian beliefs were the only true christian beliefs, that everyone had to follow her teachings in order to be saved and have eternal life. Unfortunately, even though my mother was nothing like her mother-in-law, she was indoctrinated with those same beliefs, and brought her children up to believe the same way.
I can understand how my mother was susceptible to these teachings. Her husband joined the Army Air Force soon after they were married, leaving his wife pregnant and alone with his family. She wasn't wanted as a wife for their son, and wasn't completely accepted as the right mother for their grandchildren especially after their son was dead and she remarried. She was so afraid of displeasing them that she followed her mother-in-law's dictates in every way. Her mother-in-law forbade my father's adoption of her grandchildren, which he wanted to do, because they would no longer have the family name. This meant that my older brother and sister went through school with a different last name then the rest of us in a time when all the children in a family were supposed to have the same surname. I remember friends and teachers saying to me that they never knew that person was my brother or sister, and why do they have a different last name? This hurt me because I never remembered that we had different fathers until someone made me remember. In my own mind, my older sister and brother were no different from my younger sisters and brother.
My mother must have been miserable most of the time during those years with her in-laws. Her one savior was her husband's grandmother who accepted my mother unquestioningly and loved her as as her own. It's possible my mother accepted her husband's family religion out of love for his grandmother, and I hope that was the reason. Her mother-in-law certainly gave her no love, but she did give her plenty of emotional abuse. In the days when I believed in god, I always felt that the death of her first husband was god's way of saving my mother from a terrible life. If her husband had survived the war and come home, my mother would have had nothing but heartache. She admitted this herself to me several times, and from what she told me of her life when she was with him, I know she was right. She loved him but he was selfish and spoiled and she never experienced the same kind of love from him.
After years of believing that I was more sure than others of receiving eternal life, even though I never could accept it completely, I finally came to my senses. I have felt such relief ever since that I no longer had to be afraid of that terrible religion's teachings. It's such a relief to know that I am in charge and answerable only to myself whenever I do something to cause me joy or pain. There is no angry or judgemental god up there watching over me, and in this I rejoice.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)