Ghosts, Spirits, and Visions. Oh My!

I've been thinking lately about visions, ghosts and spirits and what they are or aren't, especially since members of my family as well as other people I know claim to have had visions, and/or seen ghosts or spirits. Since I don't believe in life after death, this seems to be a contradiction in my thinking because I believe all these people saw what they say they saw. Are they hallucinations caused by stress or sickness, or are they really spirits floating around the world with nowhere to go?

I've always believed in spirits and visions, but I've since come to think that they are something different from what most people think they are. Research scientists are forever saying that we human beings never use anywhere near the total mental abilities our brains possess. We have either forgotten or never learned to use these other brain functions. If we think about animals and what they can sense, we could understand better some of what we've lost. We've all seen or heard about dogs and cats that seem to be looking at something we can't see. Could this be an example of abilities we have lost that animals have retained? We talk about their instincts which cause them to do certain things, and we're willing to believe that animals have more sensory abilities than we do. Is this the answer to why some people see things that the rest of us don't? I think so.

We've all heard of ancestral memories. I think these as well as strong emotions, emanations and thoughts left behind by people who have died are picked up by some of the people who were close to the deceased. These auras then manifest themselves as visions or possibly sounds.  Even ESP may have some connection to how this all works. The people who see visions or ghosts and who hear speech or music may have areas of their brains that are more accessible to them. They may be closer to the invisible world in a way that we all were meant to be.

We have connections to space and the universe because we all come from the same place.  I have always loved the song, "Fly Me to the Moon" because it represents our fascination with the universe around us, and the connections we have to it and each other. This longing for a place we don't know is probably because we all have pieces of the universe in our bodies. We come from the earth which came from the universe which makes us all connected. I believe it's these connections which continue to make it possible for certain people to experience the dead and gone. The various religions have tried to explain all of this but they have failed. All of us have this ability buried deep in our brains and someday, maybe, we will learn how to find it.

Home with nothing and everything to do

I'm no longer working, and am I happy about it!!! No more early mornings. No more fighting traffic. No more packing lunches. No more of all those miserable things that people who work outside the home are forced to do. Although, I'm sure there are many miserable things that people who work from home could add to my list. I used to think I'd like to work from home, but now I don't think I have the discipline. I can make other people work, but not myself. I need a boss for that.

I've been trying to organize my life somewhat so that I'll get something done. What am I saying? That's the main reason I'm happy about not working. No more schedules, lists, organizing, and rules. I can do what I want and be happy about it. However, I didn't realize it would take all summer and into the fall; and I'm still not ready to settle down. My family may be wondering about me, but I don't think so. I think they understand. I've spent my life since I was 13 working at something or other and it's going to take more than a few months to let go.

One thing I have done is get my membership to a nearby gym set up, and I think that's quite an accomplishment. It involved driving to the gym and picking up an application. Then, filling out the application and driving back to the gym to drop it off. Of course, I couldn't just drop it off. The volunteer had to enter it into their online registration and then take my picture.  This amounted to at least 10 or 15 min. ..a big chunk out of my day.  Now, I just have to go to the gym to take advantage of all they offer, which I will do as soon as I can fit it in.

We are planning a decorating extravaganza for Halloween, and that involves quite a lot of looking ahead, something I don't seem to be able to do at the moment. Fortunately, my family appears to be taking over the whole thing, not that I've ever contributed much in the past. Just being here while all this planning is going on seems to help them, since they can ask my opinion at any time. I'll be glad when I can see the results of all their work.

Maybe by January or February I'll be ready. There's no sense in discussing the two other big holidays that occur in the months between. I haven't done much with those for years now. My husband is the take charge person for them. As I said, families are wonderful. I just hope I'm not too much of a disappointment to them but I'll worry about that at another time.

Fear

When I was in second grade, my father brought home a bike for us kids. Since I was the oldest of the last four, I was allowed to ride it more than the others. We had a long dirt driveway with a slight decline and this is where I practiced. I wasn't allowed to ride it on the street, so I rode it around our large yard. After I tired of this, I was willing to pass the bike on to my younger sisters and brother. I can remember seeing my younger brother riding it, but I don't think my sisters ever did.

When I was in fifth grade, a girlfriend who lived a few houses from me was given a new bike for her birthday. She put a price of twenty dollars on her old bike and told me I should buy it. I asked my mother if I could have it and she said I could if my friend was willing to let me pay for it in installments. So we sealed the deal and I ended up with another bike. This bike I kept for years. I actually rode it on a five-mile bike trip with some friends one Saturday, but by that time I was in high school and had found other ways to spend my time. I don't remember ever riding it again.

After I was married my husband bought me a brand new bike for a birthday present. Then he bought himself one at a police auction. We had great plans for going on bike rides together. Unfortunately, this never happened. I somehow lost my bike-riding ability after I left school. I don't know what happened, but when I tried again, on my new bike, I was very unsteady. We tried riding around the neighborhood on some back roads, and I managed to stay upright, but I never felt confident.

One day we decided to buy a child seat so we could take our young daughter with us on our bike rides. So, while I was at work one day, my husband bought the seat and attached it to my bike. When I got home, I asked him why he had put it on my bike. He felt mine was the better choice because I was home more than he was, and I might want to go bike riding with our daughter. I wasn't convinced, but decided to try it, because,  how hard could it be? I should have known better. The first time we went out, I lost control going around a corner and tipped over...bike, daughter and all. Luckily, I managed to keep the bike from falling completely, so my daughter never hit the ground. I was shaken, though, and refused to carry her on my bike ever again.

Now that I'm home more, my family is trying to interest me in riding again. I'm interested, but still afraid. I recently had knee surgery and worry that I'll fall and injure my knee. However, I went with my husband to buy a bike for him, and decided that of course I could ride again. So, we bought a bike for me, too.

We brought it home but I didn't try to ride it right away; I was scared. I knew I couldn't leave it in the garage forever, so one day I finally got on it and tried to pedal. Something didn't feel right and I got right off it. It seemed as if my knees weren't behaving right. I thought maybe my muscles weren't strong enough after my weeks of inactivity, so I went online and bought a small pedaling machine. Surely, after a few weeks of pedaling I would be ready for my real bike. Who was I kidding?

I thought about the problem while I was pedaling and decided that maybe my seat needed to be higher. I asked my husband to raise it for me. Which he did. I got on the bike, started to pedal and it felt so good that I continued down the driveway. Before I knew it I was almost into the street. I quickly tried to stop but couldn't remember how to use the hand brakes. I did the only thing I could think of and put my feet down to stop the bike. Wrong move. Over I went. Again. Only this time I didn't have to worry about my young daughter, just my knee. Sure enough, I landed on my new knee.

It's been a few days and I'm back limping around the house. I'm sure my knee joint wasn't damaged; only the muscle on the left side is sore. I have a few minor cuts from the shells that I fell on, and it's going to be a few weeks before I'll dare to get back on my bike. I know, however, that I will get back on it and will soon be riding around the city with my family. Maybe. Sometime.

Sunday School

When I was a young girl in Sunday School, I met quite a few religious zealots. Some were my teachers; some were respected members of the church. What they all had in common was their other-worldly aura. They seemed to have convinced themselves that the world they lived in could be disregarded in favor of the world where they would soon be living.

It was difficult for a young girl to understand their teachings when they described the heavenly home where we would all meet one day. Death meant nothing to me. Life after death was even stranger still. The names of various men from the Bible would be mentioned as people to emulate so that I too could see what they saw. It was all very mysterious. Soon I was learning about prophets who could see into the future, but it was emphasized that no one in my time could see into the future. What did it all mean? I never could figure it out, but I was given the definite impression that I should be able to. I felt that I just wasn't trying hard enough; I just wasn't praying with enough fervor to reach God and enlightenment.

I'm sure many children and even adults felt as I did. We were the failures who sat silently through Sunday School and church services and never volunteered to pray out loud. Or, when we did speak, it was to ask a question that made the church leaders look askance at us so that we knew we had failed again to understand.  I remember asking to join a church when I was an adult, and even though I was a member of my childhood church, and had fulfilled all the requirements needed by that church body, this new church group questioned my faith and my worthiness to be a member of their congregation. These were both Christian churches and supposedly followed the same precepts but the second group was apparently closer to God. They did eventually approve my membership but I never really felt that I had made the grade.  I felt that I was not connected to God in the way they were, and I never would be.

After a few years I left that church, and never attended another church. I was determined to find a church that was true to the teachings of Jesus, because I was still under the impression that I really believed in those teachings. It never occurred to me that my thinking was way off base because most religions use a form of brainwashing to keep people coming back for more.  I didn't realize this until years later when I woke up and saw that the whole idea of something out in space somewhere who controlled us all was nothing but a gigantic fairy tale perpetrated by people in power. Somewhere along the way the brainwashing didn't take and I kept asking questions which no one could answer except with meaningless platitudes. Now, I seethe inside when people repeat those platitudes without thinking, but I have to control myself from speaking out because I know they will never listen to me. And, in some cases, people need those fairy tales to help them get through life, and I can understand that.

Unfortunately, my mother was one of those, and she is the reason I continued trying to believe in her religion for so long. I didn't want to believe that the woman I loved and admired had been taken in so easily. She was usually one to question most things she was told, but not when it came to religion. The only answer was her desire to be accepted by her in-laws whom she depended upon. Then, after her husband was killed, she had another reason to keep believing: she wanted to be sure she would eventually be able to spend eternity with him.  I don't fault her for this, and I'm glad she had something to hold onto through the difficult times ahead.

Grammies

When my mother was 19, she married her 17 yr. old boyfriend. She was in love and he was determined to do anything he had to in order to enlist in the Army Air Force. His parents refused to give him permission, so he took the only way he could think of to make it happen. He knew if he came to his parents and told them his girlfriend was pregnant with his baby, they would insist he marry her. So, that's what he did, and that's what they did. Then, he convinced my mother, who was now his legal guardian, to sign his enlistment papers. Deed done.

After her husband enlisted and left her, my mother went to live with his family. They took her in so that they could take charge of their grandchild. My mother was never really part of the family. Her in-laws saw her as a scheming interloper and did their best to convert her to their way of thinking. If they had to put up with her, then they would make sure she didn't embarrass them. The only member of the family who accepted her was her husband's Grammie. My mother grew to love her and depended on her for companionship. Their bond must have been close because even her eventual death didn't separate them.

My mother's first husband became a pilot and was sent overseas to fly missions over Japan. He was a successful pilot as far as I know. No one really talked about this part of the story probably because it didn't last long. I'm not sure when he went but before he did he was stationed somewhere out west. He asked my mother to come out and visit him before he was sent overseas, which she did, over the objections of her mother-in-law. Her son was conceived during that visit. Judging by my brother's age, there wasn't much time for him to fly many missions over Japan. He was killed when he volunteered to go as an observer on another flight right after he returned from flying his own mission. That flight ended in a mid-air collision with another US plane in a cloudy, smoky sky.

One night my mother was awakened from a sound sleep. When she opened her eyes, she saw her Grammie-in-law standing by her bed. She was startled but Grammie told her not to worry; her husband was with her and would be alright. Then she disappeared. The next day a telegram was delivered with the news that her husband was missing in action. It was years before they found his remains which were then buried at Arlington. My mother had remarried by that time and had other children by my father. She had been told by other fliers that they had seen the crash and there was no way anyone had survived. She believed the truth in this as best she could, but I think she was comforted by the memory of her vision of Grammie and the words spoken to her.

My mother went on to experience other visions, some of which she told me, and others that, I'm sure, she kept to herself.

Visions

My mother had visions. I never thought much about it; she had mentioned a few of them to me over the years and was so matter of fact and sincere about it that I never doubted her visions were real.

Her grandmother-in-law also had visions. I don't know anything about her visions but my mother told me about two visions concerning her first husband, a pilot in WWII, in which her grandmother-in-law appeared. Mom said these visions of the old woman, the only one of her in laws who seemed to care about her, were so real she thought the old woman was in the room with her, and reached out to touch her.

I'm sure there have been other people in our family who had visions but I haven't heard any stories about them. It was probably considered to be an embarrassment and was never talked about. I've always had very vivid dreams about people in my family, especially my mother after she died, but I've never thought they were visions. People who have visions know what they are.

I no longer believe in a life after death so I don't think the spirits of the unhappy dead are wandering around out there somewhere. But I do believe some people are able to see & hear visions of their beloved dead. How it happens I don't know but I believe today's scientists are getting close to explaining it.